Desire for Life
Today was the first day in a looooong time that I woke up and honestly and thoroughly was able to proclaim, "I want to be here!" These past few months of my transition into doing this work have been heavy, daunting, confusing, uncertain, and fear filled. (There have been good moments, too - these just sorta ruled the day.)
In July I realized how important it was for me to start to move into a more
serious and deep relationship with myself. This entailed a lot of things, mainly though, addressing and being willing to actually do my deep personal work (DPW, as I feel I'll be saying it a lot....) I believe (in the last blog) I had alluded to fact that the surface of safe was done gone explored! This personal work brought me face to face with a lot - grief, sadness, anger, uncertainty, loss, depression, lack of love for self and lack of feeling like I was/am deserving.
I am not writing this to scare you away from doing the 'DPW.' (maybe we can make it a dance move? Really make it 'a thing'!) I want to share with you why for me it has been so rewarding, so beautiful, and so worthwhile. (phew, right!?)
By doing our DPW, we are able to get to a place where we feel good. The moment feels good. The tricky relationship feels good. The good relationship feels better. We can feel lighter, we can actually feel the love (Love really is all around us!) We feel honored to be here on this planet at this time. Even with all the conflict, discord, gunk, and 'ick' on the planet now, we can still feel good. In fact, it is almost part of why we are here now. (!)
The DPW typically has us looking at our 'shadow' or 'dark' or 'bad' side ... honestly I am not a fan of these phrases, good/bad, shadow/light because we have word associations with them and therefore can more easily judge them. They are just phrases, we choose how to define them.
In working with another ARCI consultant and my Records, I was reminded of and learned the following:
- We are Spiritual Beings having a human experience. The part that was apparently new to me is: we are NOT the experience.
- We are here on this planet and all have different destinies/purposes. Each person we interact with is here to help us fulfill our Destiny. Again, no matter how we may define it in the moment - good, bad, ugly, wonderful, hard, easy, etc
- We come into this incarnation to clear, release, resolve anything from the past that requires it, and to learn new things about love. Each of us is here to learn what is our experience and definition of love... what does it mean to me? How can I learn more and more about it, being a Divine being in human form? And also, possibly return to Love - God - Creator.
Our 'dark' side is simply the parts of us where we haven't or don't shine ANY light. We might be afraid to look and see what is there. We might not like how it feels when we look at it, or revisit it. We may not know how to go about it. We may judge it and think we are a bad person for having this piece of us.
And yet, this piece (or pieces in my case) are still part of us, still part of that circle that is wholly us.
Emotions help us navigate and provide information, they are extremely beneficial to have! It is when we attach or hold on to these feelings or don't allow them to be simply that - a fleeting feeling that is passing through us, that we add and continue to contribute to our 'dark' sides. We shove them aside to deal with later, and then they collect and become even more icky, undesirable. They build upon beliefs that we established early on to stay safe and possible even contribute to how we make decisions and operate in situations nothing like the original one where the emotion showed up! (not dramatic at all!)
When we do our DPW, we allow ourselves to shine a little bit of light on a 'dark' part of us, and we look at it. We allow ourselves, even, we give ourselves permission, to be a little more vulnerable and fragile with ourselves to say what's here? How can I let this 'dark' part come more fully into me?
During my recent (and on-going!) DPW, I am looking at the emotions, allowing them, and releasing them. I am working with the Records, their grace points, their prayers to clear and release any and all attachments I may have stored in my body, in my DNA, in any of my energy fields. A lot of these areas will come back, in a different form and a different setting. And that is ok. Because next time, I will (hopefully! ha) be able to look and say "How is this person affecting and contributing to my destiny? How is this helping me complete a goal?" I will allow the emotion to pass, releasing it and not attaching to it so the 'dark' side doesn't gain ground or grow. So I can keep the light on a larger understanding of myself. And also so I can still be human, right? Experience the emotion and then don't let it dock!
Because I am learning how to love myself, and probably will be this entire incarnation. Everything changes, always. Nothing is permanent. Everything revolves around love. We are constantly returning to it and searching for it. Remembering that most people are also in this same space, trying to figure it out and embrace all of who they are is part of what I really want to incorporate. Loving people where they are and loving me where I am, all at the same time!
My messages are generally positive; I enjoy expressing creatively through them and letting them show up how they do. I enjoy sharing them in this way! The light can expand in all of us, and we typically are not aware of how that expansion will occur. It is not necessarily our responsibility to know. It is our responsibility to shine our light on us, for us, and therefore for others, too.
Doing the DPW has allowed me to get to this place of being able to breathe. I've put a little more light in, and realized the 'dark' isn't so scary. It's fuel and motivation for further growth. And I dig that! (obviously, if I'm in this biz) And it doesn't have to be hard. It can be uncomfortable, it can hurt, and it also is how we allow it. I can be fragile with myself when I am uncovering who I really am, after years (seriously..hundreds of years.. this is many lifetimes' worth!) of putting on masks and layers for protection and survival, establishing beliefs to stay safe.
DPW allows us to clear, release, allow. We can breathe. We can move forward.
We can wake up and say "I want to be here!" or "I'm ok!" or "I am good. Life really is good" regardless of the reality of our bank account, or relationship status, or stressful job, or annoying family, etc. Everything is a lesson and opportunity.
Today I choose to embrace them as experiences I am having, and not as definers of who I am.
I am repeating this because I feel it is honestly huge! I allow myself to love myself. I am learning all about love and loving myself.
May you claim what is yours out of this little blog, and continue to shine light for you and all of us on this Earth experience together.
Always, with love and gratitude! Molly