It's funny, as I was sitting down to write this, my Records started singing the well known song "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones. Initially I thought, well wait a minute! This is counter to what is wanting to be shared, no? And then I read the lyrics:
"I can't get no satisfaction, I can't get no satisfaction
'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try
I can't get no, I can't get no"
And slowly I realized how it really does tie in. (hee hee my Records always know what's up.) The song references trying and trying and trying. A few months ago, when I was chatting with my Grandma she asked me "Molly, why are you always trying to achieve?" Where part of me was annoyed because I took it as a criticism, it kicked off this investigation. And in some ways, dove tails nicely with the wisdom from the Rolling Stones. My Grandma was pointing out how I would always be searching, and from her perspective, not happy or satisfied with what is/was and how life is so good, in this moment. I had always seen my 'achieving' as admirable, that I want to learn, grow, develop, and keep evolving - to know the truths and live my best life. And where that, as a statement on its own is lovely, true, valid, and valuable, there is a hint that the focus was on the effort of outward fuel, outward effort and action instead of inward reflection and knowing. (I would like to share here, real quick, that I am learning that our own healing and knowing of ourselves is cyclical. Parts of that cycle are going to be outward so we may progress more inward. I share this so you may allow and know that wherever you may be, allow that stage/part to be true for you.)
After the insight from my Gram, many things happened. (Thanks, Gram! ❤ pictured below, she still looks like a gem) I kicked up my gratitude practice, expanding it from a mental list (if you will) to actually spending time and feeling the gratitude that exists in my every day living. This assisted me with shifting the very strongly embedded negative thought forms of "There is a problem" "I have to fix this" "Something is wrong - find it to help fix it" (when, ahh, there were no problems to fix!) I worked quite diligently so that when those patterns showed up, I would stop and look at what was happening (#presence) instead of going into safety and story telling. Truly, presence is ALWAYS available and always a way for me to release the past and e x p e r i e n c e the now. Shifting the mental outlook with this renewed dedication was tricky, and on days when I didn't knock it out of the park, I had already bolstered my foundation with my desire and zeal that the next day
(or even moment, if I'm being honest!) could be different. In some ways, I also changed my conversation style where I would listen and comment, instead of listen and offer thoughts, advice, etc. (responding to a problem, because there is always one... or so I previously thought.) I am learning that if people want to know, they will ask. Just because in my mind I have a million awesome ideas, doesn't mean others think so too. (boo, sadness. ha) On the flip side of this, I allowed myself to say things exactly as they were in my head, instead of framing them up so people could understand what I was wanting them to. If they wanted to know more or were confused, they would ask me. Shifting the conversation style reduced the amount of energy I was using, because I stopped scanning and looking for problems or ways to insert myself (the Records have asked me to input that last bit. It was a little hard to write, and yet, I see and honor me through it all.)
Which brings me to how the title of this blog was found. I did a oracle card spread for the full moon in December, and WAS SOO TICKLED when I got the Satisfaction card (I used James Van Praagh's deck "The Power of Love") because ya'll, this is what it said:
"You let the energy of love guide you to self-approval so that others no longer define who you are."
And in some ways, all of these pieces and parts that had been showing up hit me in a brand new way. The self-approval I was looking for outside of myself motivated the constant searching/achieving which truly left me never satisfied (for any Hamilton fans out there, please feel free to sing "Satisfied") because it wasn't love based.
It wasn't love based.
What I know to be true, thank you Akashic Records (and others!) is that I am love. And now, with a deeper understanding of love, and its magnificent power, I can turn its full force (as we say) on me, so that satisfaction comes from within, and may shine without to surround and engulf all those I interact with. There is no more trying required. Simply #allowance, coupled with presence and the #knowing of the #poweroflove and the #trust that All is Well, Molly. All is well. (Which my Records say to me regularly.) As I compose this, I am realizing all of the details and insights along the way that have allowed the healing and embracing of who I was, and who I am. I am so grateful to have written this, as even I have realized more throughout this writing. I am grateful to whomever may read this, may it provide even a tiny bit of what you may be seeking (and not to achieve ;-)
Here's to love & here's to us embracing it - in all the ways.